Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
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10:45 pm - Happy almost-Pesach to the Jews
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Monday, December 1st, 2008
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5:30 pm - Is it abuse?
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I've had (former) friends who turned out to be abusive to their partners. Trust me, I did not jump to that conclusion; it became very evident, and their partners eventually left them. But from that experience, I also know that it is very difficult to find information on how to approach someone who you think may be abusive, or someone who you think might be the victim of abuse, especially emotional abuse.
So I'd like to share this entry from a blog I read - it's written for people into S/M, but points 3-7 apply to almost everyone, especially if you substitute "S/M" with "your community's." Here are two points that I found very relevant:
3. If you see someone in a situation that you feel might be abusive, go talk to them. Aahh! Scary thought, isn’t it? Much easier to talk behind their back or post a nasty comment about the bad guy on a website, isn’t it? First, take off your shining armour and put your badass attitude in your pocket. Then go see the person you think might be on the receiving end of the abuse, and ask them how they’re doing. This might actually involve making friends with them first, and gaining their trust in at least some marginal way. Or it might not. Then ask them in a really non-preachy, non-challenging way how they feel about their relationship. Do not accuse their partner of being an abuser; say very clearly that you are not trying to make a judgment about their partner - and mean it! - but that you just wanted to put some information out there because something you saw made you feel it might be wise, just in case. If you have to, make something up about how your cousin was once abused and now you’re really sensitive to anything that might look like abuse. Find a way, however clumsy, to tell them there are resources for them, and then hand ‘em a copy of the sheet and tell them they can come and talk to you anytime, or never talk to you again but talk to someone else if they need to.
4. Even scarier: Go talk to the person you feel might be on the giving end of the abuse. First, take off your shining armour and put your badass attitude in your pocket. Muster all the open-mindedness and diplomacy you can, and approach this person from a place of humility. Keep in mind you really don’t know what’s going on, unless you’ve watched absolutely undebatably clear situation of concrete non-consensual physical or extreme emotional harm being done, in which case emergency measures might be more appropriate than conversation. Keep in mind that leveraging an accusation of abuse is a really fucking serious thing. Keep in mind that if you were on the receiving end of such an approach, and you weren’t being an abuser, you would probably be very upset unless the person was extremely tactful and empathetic and left lots of room for errors in their own judgment. Feel free to say something like “I’m sure you’re not a bad guy, but sometimes the way you speak to/play with Person X makes people wonder if everything you do is really consensual. I just figured you might not know that, and maybe if I told you, you’d be able to do things a bit differently so people don’t get the wrong impression of you.”
Read more here: 10 Things to DO to Reduce Abusive Behaviour in the S/M World.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, May 15th, 2008
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3:30 pm - I wonder -- because I am not quite queer enough?
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1. What does the 2 in LGBTT2IQQA stand for?
2. If someone is on leave because her partner is having a baby any second now -- is that still maternity leave? Won't saying "she's on maternity leave" make people think she physically just had a baby? That's what I think, but I'm not sure what else to call it.
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(24 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, May 4th, 2008
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10:38 am - my boyfriend is a poet!
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Tony just got an acceptance letter for two of his poems! They're to be published in Agenda, which is apparently a very reputable British literary journal!
/bragging!
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, March 8th, 2008
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9:44 am - Phoenix Best
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Hey Boston people -- have you voted in this poll?
Things I care about:
Art Supplies: I wrote in Artist & Craftsmen Supply. It is never on here, and I do not understand why. If someone cares to enlighten me, please do, but I like them a LOT better than Pearl's across the street. The people are more friendly and more helpful. The ambiance is more inspiring. I always thought Pearl's was the be-all end-all of art supply stores -- until I visited Artist & Craftsmen Supply.
Public Art: those musical chimes at the Kendall T station are actually on this poll! Maybe if they are voted Best of Boston by Phoenix readers someone will make sure they are maintained in working condition.
Local Cause: Tansgender Rights in MA.
I wrote in All The King's Men for Best Theater Company and Best Dance Performers because there is no spot for Best Drag Troupe or Best Comedic Theater Company and they deserve to win something, dammit.
I also wrote in The Neighborhood for Best Gay Night and Best Lesbian Night because 1. Gunner e-mailed a mess of people asking us to, and 2. I want more mixed-gender queer nights. The Neighborhood wasn't especially great the one time I attended, but it's the principle of the thing.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, February 23rd, 2008
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9:42 am - How to negotiate play parties, for men.
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Sunday, February 10th, 2008
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6:44 pm - i don't usually post crap like this, but HAHAHAHAHA:
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How the U.S. Looks to the Rest of the World
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/013523.html
Angry guy: Hey, what the fuck, man? You fuckin' crazy, jackhole? What the fuck you doin', man?
Bewildered guy: I'm not doing anything...
Angry guy: Be fuckin' nice, man! What the fuck is wrong with you? Be fucking nice!
Bewildered guy: Well, then, you be nice, too.
Angry guy: Do not fuck with me. I will fuck you up! Do not fuckin' mess with me!
Bewildered guy: I'm not messing with you!
Angry guy: Okay. Have a nice day.
--F train
current mood:  amused
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, January 26th, 2008
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7:29 pm - what a way to go
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I have a backlog of entries I wanted to make. Here's one.
On January 9th I went to a film screening at Lucy Parson's. They were showing this documentary What A Way To Go: Life at the End of Empire. I took a lot of notes that I don't have the patience to transcribe here, but it was basically made by this guy who decided to Do Something about the imminent crash. His film interviews a bunch of people about salient topics (peak oil, anthropogenic climate change, mass extinction, population growth, etc.) and then delves into why we are doing all of these things and why we keep right on truckin' despite, you know, hi, we're running out of oil but we'll probably completely destabilize our lovely climate before we use it up, bla bla.
The end sucks. There is a really cheesy monologue by the guy who made the film. Everyone there kept sort of getting ready for the end, and then he just kept going. Yeah. But besides that, it was a pretty good film. I'm skeptical as to whether it would convince anyone who thinks global warming would be pleasant ("New England is too cold!") but I guess you never know until you try.
One thing this film brought up for me again was the idea that I am domesticated. An author defined civilization as a structure of society that supports cities. A city, by definition, is a population that exceeds the carrying capacity of the land it inhabits. I have lived in cities for my entire life. I still live in a city. I am very alienated from nature. I don't know how to interact with it.
Also, I am a painter. Painting is an intensely civilized activity. Paints are all mined and processed and sold, and so is canvas, and painting does not contribute to survival. It's a decorative commodity. Or a mode of individual self-expression, but whatever. I am not going to pretend I am a shaman and start painting on caves, so . . . I don't know. I'd really like to have some kind of cohesive moral stance on things, or at least a somewhat cohesive outlook on life. I realize everyone has their contradictions, but mine just seem especially ridiculous. Like a primitivist computer programmer, you know? So I don't know what to do about this.
At the film screening, I met someone who does workshops on how to grow your own food in an urban environment. The card is somewhere in the room where I am sitting.
. . . . somewhere. So I guess I'll call her when I find it.
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(10 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, January 19th, 2008
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5:56 pm - Interesting play coming to Miami, January 25-26
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"Becoming a Man in 127 EASY Steps"
written & performed by Scott Turner Schofield
Directed by Steve Bailey
Commissioned by the National Performance Network
The audience controls the sequence of events in this titillating – and perpetually changing – true story about one of life's biggest transitions. Featuring multi-media storytelling and aerial acrobatics from critically-acclaimed solo performer Scott Turner Schofield. Choose your own adventure: see this show!
"Scott Turner Schofield's storytelling is so honest, his approach so unique, his style so unselfconscious and disarming, that his shows will have you wrapped around his pinkie in no time. I've seen this Southern gent win over the most jaded of New York theater audiences with one wry smile and a perfectly placed raised eyebrow. He's the real thing - and nothing less than a national treasure." — T Cooper, bestselling author of Lipshitz Six, or Two Angry Blondes and Some of the Parts
"A provocative and compelling storyteller, Turner helps us to look at gender in a new way, face our prejudices, and have fun while doing it." — Amy Ray, Indigo Girls
January 25-26 at the Carnival Center, Miami FL. www.tigertail.org
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Tuesday, December 25th, 2007
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2:24 am - they're nuts but kind of awesome.
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As I type this, there are still some die-hards stepping and spinning their way through Israeli folk dances in a gym at MIT.
current mood:  exhausted
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(9 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 5th, 2007
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9:38 pm - not a connector!
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Wow. This girl Liza who I vaguely remembered from high school just called me because she still had my number in her phone. Wow. She remembers crazy shit. For example, she remembers that my father is in real estate. I remember what she looks like, but that's about it.
I am deeply impressed.
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(comment on this)
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Monday, December 3rd, 2007
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2:45 pm - today is the last day for public comments
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2:21 pm - addictive game for a good cause?
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Thursday, November 15th, 2007
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3:50 pm - extremely amusing armchair activism
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Monday, November 12th, 2007
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12:22 pm - YES: still awesome.
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Apparently YES Institute has been busy educating Tim Hardaway. That's pretty sweet.
YES is also looking for a new director, so if any of you well-connected people know of someone who might be interested, send them the link! Working with this organization is amazing.
www.YESinstitute.org
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
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1:01 am - class ramble
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Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
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11:29 am - Hello to any young queer Jews in Boston!
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Keshet is having 20s/30s game night (at my house, incidentally) in Cambridge this Thursday, May 17th, at 7:30 pm.
If you need directions, e-mail orly@boston-keshet.org.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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11:18 am - can't reach me
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I currently have:
-no Internet access at home
-no land line at home
-a broken cell phone (can currently do text messaging only)
By Thursday my regular cell phone # should be up and running again. I'll have more time to check my e-mail tomorrow from a public computer.
Also on Thursday, I'm hosting Keshet's 20s/30s game night at my old place in Cambridge. If you need directions, e-mail orly@boston-keshet.org.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
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10:19 pm - painting project
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Monday, March 12th, 2007
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4:32 pm - It's so gorgeous out!
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